Domestic violence (DV) transcends boundaries of age, culture, religion, and socioeconomic status. It’s a hidden epidemic impacting countless lives in the UK and worldwide. By March 2024, the “Killed Women Count” project recorded that 50 women had been killed by men in the UK within a single year, a devastating statistic that excludes unreported cases. Tragically, the recent murder of Harshita Brella by her husband underscores the importance of recognising the warning signs of abuse before it’s too late.
This blog highlights the red flags of domestic violence across all communities and faiths, shares statistics that reflect the urgent need for awareness, and provides guidance on where to seek help. Together, we can save lives by breaking the silence.
The Stark Reality of Domestic Violence
- On average, two women are killed each week in England and Wales by a current or former partner. Take a look at the Domestic abuse in England and Wales overview.
- By March 2024, 50 women had been murdered by men, with many more cases likely unrecorded.
- Abuse affects individuals across all walks of life, regardless of ethnicity, religion, or background.
Domestic violence thrives in secrecy, which is why recognising red flags is critical.
Some of the Red Flags of Domestic Violence across All Communities
Domestic Abuse manifests in different ways, but the warning signs are often similar. Here’s what to look for:
Control and Isolation
- Dictating who you can see, where you can go, and how you dress or behave, for example (you may be told not to wear make up or wear shorts as you are now a married woman).
- Isolating you from family, friends, support networks, or your faith community, leaving you dependent on them.
Emotional Manipulation and Guilt
- Telling you they cannot live without you and threatening to commit suicide if you leave.
- Insisting that no one else will ever want you, undermining your confidence and self-worth.
- Making you feel indebted for the dowry they paid, using it as leverage to control you.
- Using religion to demand submission or justify their abusive behaviour.
- Claiming ownership over you, saying, “I paid dowry for you.”
- Persistent criticism, belittling, or humiliation, often disguised as “jokes.”
- Gaslighting, making you question your memory, perception, or sanity.
Religious Manipulation
- Twisting religious beliefs to justify control or abuse.
- Using community or faith leaders to exert pressure, reinforcing a sense of obligation to stay.
Financial Control
- Preventing you from working or accessing education, creating financial dependence.
- Exploiting cultural norms or dowry systems to demand obedience or compliance.
Physical and Sexual Abuse
- Inflicting physical harm such as slapping, choking, or pushing.
- Blaming you for sexually transmitted diseases they bring into the relationship, with statements like, “It’s your fault; you declined sex, so I had to look for it elsewhere.”
- Coercing or forcing you into unwanted sexual acts.
Escalation of Anger or Violence
- They lose their temper easily, break things, or use intimidation tactics.
- Physical violence, including pushing, slapping, or choking
Jealousy and Surveillance
- Extreme jealousy, constantly accusing you of infidelity.
- Monitoring your phone, social media, or daily movements, making you feel trapped.
Blame-Shifting and Threats
- Blaming you for their abusive behaviour, claiming it’s your fault.
- Threatening harm to you, your children, or your family if you try to leave.
How to Identify and Address These Red Flags
- Trust Your Intuition
If something feels wrong, it likely is. Pay attention to recurring patterns of behaviour and escalating situations.
- Speak to Someone You Trust
Confide in someone, a friend, family member, or community leader who can provide emotional support and guidance.
- Create a Safety Plan
- Identify safe places to go in an emergency.
- Secure important documents and create a list of trusted contacts.
- Seek Professional Help
Reach out to organisations equipped to handle DV cases sensitively and confidentially.
Where to Get Help
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, here are key resources for immediate and ongoing support:
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge): 0808 2000 247 (24/7 free and confidential advice).
- Galop (LGBTQ+ Support): 0800 999 5428 or email help@galop.org.uk.
- Southall Black Sisters: 0208 571 0800 (specialising in support for Black and minoritised women).
- Karma Nirvana: 0800 5999 247 (support for honour-based abuse and forced marriage).
- Women’s Aid: Live chat and resources at helpline@womensaid.org.uk.
- Bright Sky App: A practical tool to support those at risk of domestic abuse.
Domestic violence is a community wide issue, and addressing it requires collective awareness. At Severn Angels Housing & Support (SAHS), we believe in empowering individuals to recognise abuse, seek help, and rebuild their lives.
If you suspect someone may be experiencing abuse,
- Approach them with empathy and without judgment.
- Share information about resources and support services.
- Encourage them to trust their instincts and take small steps toward safety.
If you’re experiencing abuse
- Know that you are not alone. Help is available.
- Your safety and happiness matter and taking the first step to seek support is an act of strength.
